Learning from Experts

I spent Thursday and Friday of this week at an Asperger's Super Conference. Four of the world's top presenters on autism, who had never shared the stage at a conference together before, presented their ideas to a group of over 1,000 parents and educators. I felt honored to be in the audience.

Dr. Jed Baker was one I had never heard speak before, but I am very familiar with his books. Ian has drawn tremendous understanding from his pictorial descriptions of how to interact with others. For many months Ian studied that book at night before going to bed. It may have been the reassurance he needed to get through the next school day. Forget studying for spelling tests. Social interaction was the tough subject.

Carol Kranowitz gave me my introduction to the world of autism with Ian's first diagnosis, Sensory Processing Disorder. I must have read her book four times and purchased seven copies of it to give to family members, friends, physicians, and anyone else who needed to deal with Ian on more than just a casual basis. It was my holy book for the first year.

Temple Grandin, notably the most famous person with autism, shared with us her experiences as a person with autism who has become very successful. I enjoy hearing her speak - literally. Her voice and mannerisms remind me of one of my favorite great-aunts, and her humor is typical of what I hear at home. Although her presenation has not changed much over the last few years, she has changed. She seems a little more relaxed, more at ease in the world of parents and teachers who seek her guidance.

Dr. Tony Attwood helps me to accept my children's behaviors for what they are - reactions to an environment they do not understand. He does this with respectful humor that lightens the stress I feel at a conference that floods my brain with information of things I should do for my children. In fact, when I headed for home Friday afternoon, I couldn't wait to see Ian and Ainsley so I could kiss them and tell them how wonderful they are.

Although I often forget the majority of ideas I learn at a conference, a few gems stick with me. One of those is that punishment does not change the behavior of a child with ASD; but using logic will. Helping them see the "smart" solution to a problem works wonders. Depriving them of the activities/things that help them calm themselves does not.

Hugs may be a reassuring sign of affection to me. To my Aspies, they are squeezes that may or may not be pleasant and certainly don't solve the problem. Always ask before hugging.

Turning their brains off for the night is extremely difficult. When they ask me to cuddle with them, it is because they need to feel my touch in order to relax and fall asleep. No matter what important tasks are waiting for me downstairs, nothing is more important than insuring they get the rest they need to have a successful day tomorrow. Cuddle time helps me relax, too. I hope we never outgrow it.