Thankful

My husband and son recently ran some errands together in an effort to bond and give me some quiet time with our daughter. When they returned, Steve recounted a conversation Ian had while they were out.

Seemingly inspired by the newly arriving pumpkins and fall flowers at the grocery store, Ian asked his dad what he is thankful for.

"Well, I am thankful for you," Steve replied.

"Oh," Ian commented quietly.

"What are you thankful for, Ian?" Steve asked him.

"I am thankful for you, too. And my toys."

As they entered the produce department, Ian walked up to one of the store employees stocking some vegetables and said, "I know it's kind of early for Thanksgiving, but what are you thankful for?"

The guy looked at Ian with a perplexed expression. "Huh?"

Ian repeated his question. "I know it's kind of early for Thanksgiving, but what are you thankful for?"

Then the guy looked up at Steve and saw him smiling at this boy who normally does not talk to strangers.

"Well, I guess I am thankful I have a job," was his honest response. A lot of people are feeling thankful for employment these days.

"Oh," Ian said without emotion. "Thank you," he said as he walked back to Steve. The young man returned to stocking peppers.

I don't believe it was Ian's intent to take a thankfulness survey throughout the grocery store to see what the most popular response would be. Lately, we've been talking about the value of things in terms of monetary cost and investment of emotional energy. He wanted to know what people outside our family value.

It goes back to the many times Ian has been devastated that he broke a Lego creation or misplaced a beloved Bionicle. He is emotionally attached to these items because they do what he wants, and he gives them words and thoughts that appeal to him. They are his friends. Losing them brings about sorrow.

When the grief becomes extreme, I have to step in and explain to Ian that these toys only have value to him. They do not love him or feel lost without him. He cannot rely on them for happiness and feelings of self-worth. While I often complain about how much money we spend on the thousands of plastic pieces that are in his room, that does not make them valuable as an investment. They are valuable to him for what they represent, and that is all.

Should he be thankful for his toys? Well, yes, he is fortunate to have an abundance of things that grab his attention and provide him with hours of imaginative play; but I prefer to establish a more profound basis for thankfulness. I want him to understand that we are thankful for things we really cannot see or touch but are powerful in helping us live a happy and fulfilling existence.

Be thankful you have a loving family.
Be thankful for your education.
Be thankful for opportunities to make the world a better place.

Do these things have value? Yes, but each person decides for himself what that value is and how that value is represented. These concepts are so abstract, I was afraid he was not going to understand. And then he went to the grocery store and decided to figure it out for himself.

He was quiet for a while as he contemplated this new information. In fact, Ian was very quiet the rest of the afternoon.

That night as I tucked him into bed, he wrapped his arms around my neck and said, "Mom, I am thankful for you."