For the last couple of years, life has put itself between me and my contemplative brain. Auto-pilot took over. I said "yes" too many times to projects that were fun but not necessarily something only I could do. I am learning to say, "It is so nice of you to ask, but I really don't think I can provide the level of commitment you are looking for." It feels nice to say that.
Doing this has helped me stumble into awareness that my little Aspies aren't little any more. They are more independent than ever, capable of surprising me with their kindness toward each other, their ability to get things done when I ask them to, and the level of sophisticated thinking they often reveal at unexpected times.
Parenting has not become easier, though. It has just changed.
Ian and I spent a great deal of time over the summer reading Freaks, Geeks & Asperger Syndrome: A User's Guide to Adolescence. In fact, we are still reading it and less than half-way through. I read aloud, and Ian sits next to me, reading silently along. We stop every few sentences or after a paragraph or two to discuss the topic or some personal experience. Ian feels more comfortable about being a pre-teen now that he understands which challenges are Asperger's-related and which ones everyone his age is experiencing. Experiencing those "a-HA!" moments together has helped us grow closer.
I never thought I would understand my son very well, especially now, when he is really becoming a complicated guy. He is starting to be very persistent about having his room painted. It has been the Serengeti since he was 5. Now, he wants to venture into outer space. I keep putting it off until the daytime temperatures are below 80, so I can open the windows when I start painting in there. Part of me actually believes that excuse. Most of me knows that clinging to the little guy who entered kindergarten just 6 short years ago is something I must do for just a little while longer.
The day I turn his room into our solar system is the day I have to admit that he is in charge of his destiny, not me. He is ready to explore without holding my hand. That is so much harder for me to admit than it is for him to do. In a few more weeks, I'll make an early morning trip to the paint store and start my own journey of letting go.
He just better keep his promise to take me with him to Mars.
1 comment:
Really great post and glad to see you're back :)
It really is hard to say no to committing to things that you really believe in, but you're right, when you don't have the time or energy to fully commit to something, stepping aside is the right thing to do so that someone who cares just as much as you do, but with a little more time on their side, can come in and do a great job.
Again, its really great to see that you're posting again, and if you'd like to share a post some time, feel free to stop by our community at http://www.facebook.com/rethinkautism and say hello!
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Kent
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