What to say when your son says he punched his best friend at school

Whenever the phone rings and Caller ID says it is the school, I panic. God, what did he do today? His teachers and the school nurse have grown accustomed to saying, "There is nothing wrong, I just called to tell you ...". Still, my heart does a minute marathon when they call.

Today I didn't get a call.  Today, my little Lego Einstein came home from school and told his dad point blank that he "accidentally" hit one of his best friends at recess.  Only it wasn't really an accident because she tripped and as she was falling and then something she was holding flew out of her hands and hit him in the face and all he could do was react because he thought she did it on purpose so he hit her and then realized she hadn't really meant to but she was crying.

At this point, my husband and I exchanged looks that were a cross between "WTF???" and "Do you want to handle this or should I?"

We were able to determine that he had, in fact, apologized to her and that they hugged and made up. This is where it requires much strength for me not to get angry. It was just yesterday when we had an extensive lesson about feelings, how to know what different feelings - including anger - feel like in his body, and how to take a moment to think about his feelings before reacting to a situation.

Yes, I know he is not an expert after one practice session.  This is my frustration with Asperger's Syndrome.  It takes MANY ... like, hundreds ... of practice sessions before he starts to remember this stuff. It doesn't stick. Practicing in made-up situations doesn't seem to help much. He needs someone with him when the real thing comes along to walk him through it in slow motion. It takes doing that over and over and over. And we've been doing this for most of his 11 years.

I wanted him to write her a note, telling her how important her friendship is to him.  In my heart, I know that her friendship with him is probably just as important to me. I want him to know that someone outside of his family can, and will, accept him for who he is and how he is if he can grasp the importance of trust in a friendship - like being able to count on not getting clobbered when you're already on your way to the ground.

He thinks an apology and a hug are enough.  I wonder if she does.