These two are my "why".
As I am sitting here listening to the very loud sounds in my house - the older one is burp-singing in the shower, the younger one is talking incessantly and eating a peanut butter coated apple, the phone is ringing, the voice caller i.d. says another telemarketer wants to sell me something, and the dogs are licking my legs - the tension running up the back of my neck is making me begin to question why they are my "why".
In our daily activities, it is easy to get frustrated. We all do. I get frustrated when it takes Ian forty-five minutes to take a shower because he spends the first twenty minutes trying to get the water temperature right and then forgets to get in. I get frustrated from 4:45 until 9:30 p.m., which is when Ainsley talks non-stop. Every. Single. Day. The later it gets the higher her pitch goes and the deeper it drives a tension nail into my temple. I get frustrated when my children are so tired or unfocused that I have to give them step-by-step instructions on how to brush their teeth. I get frustrated when my husband and son are in a department store and are arguing so loudly that everyone in the three adjacent departments hears my son say, "I didn't pick my nose. I had an itch!"
But it could be worse. Much worse. And it isn't.
I used to think I was saving money for their college. In the traditional sense, higher education is becoming highly over-rated and I am not impressed with what it has to offer. It is a mold that we force people into, whether they fit or not. Then we try to hold them accountable for poor performance at something that doesn't meet their needs.
My goal for the fabulous duo has changed in recent months. They are differently-abled. Traditional ways of doing just about everything don't work for them. Yet, they are capable of doing incredibly creative things, and both are very bright. One day they will each do something to change the world for the better. For certain, neither of them will take a traditional route to reach their own goals. It just isn't in the cards.
Rather than planning for the day my children leave home for college, I am preparing for a lifetime of having them with me, if that is what they need. It is certainly my intent that they be able to take care of themselves. Mamma WILL going on vacation without them once in a while. It would be nice if my parents can still come stay with them. Hopefully, when my dad is 90 that won't be necessary. Still, it's nice to have options, just in case.
I want these two beautiful lives to be able to take whatever varied course lies ahead of them, without having to conform to the expected order of events. When I brought them into this world, I was under the impression that they came with an eighteen year contract. After that, I would be free and clear and able to "par-tay like it's 1999".
Something tells me that ten years from now, they will still spend every night before bedtime reading Garfield comic books together on Ian's bed. Ainsley will still want my mom to sleep next to her when she visits. Ian will still be playing video games (or whatever has evolved by then) with my husband for way too many hours at a time. (It would be nice if that activity could involve total body movement and a little cardio instead of sitting in a chair using only fingers to play the games. Wii isn't cutting it in the exercise department. Just sayin'.)
Whatever it is that happens, I don't want them to be stuck in jobs they don't particularly enjoy or doing things that fail to connect them in some way to the world around them. I do want them to experience joy every single day. Meaning. Purpose. Fulfillment. To know their own "why", and to let it drive them to the pinnacle.
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