Tuesday, January 20, 2009

What the Obamas Must Be Doing at 7:30 a.m.

After scooting our two beautiful children out the door to school this morning, Steve and I sat down to watch the news. The world is rotating around the Obama family today. This is obvious because on all channels except Cartoon Network, the picture is focused on the door to Blair House. As we watched Secret Service agents enter and exit while talking to their wrists, Steve and I figured out verbatim what was being said behind the door.

Secret Service Agent: "Mr. and Mrs. Obama, it is 7:00 a.m. The limo will be ready for you at 7:30."

Barack: "Thank you."

Michelle: "Do you know what time Malia came to bed with us last night?"

Barack: "Malia was in bed with us? Wow. How did I miss that?"

Michelle: "Hmm. I wonder. It was 3:30! She had an earache and was awake until 5:45. First I gave her Tylenol. Then she wanted a drink. Then she wanted another drink. Then she had to go potty. Then she started telling me a story that went on and on. I am exhausted."

Barack: "Do you think she'll be o.k. out in the cold air?"

Michelle: "I hope so. What on earth are those girls doing out there?"

Barack: "Sasha! Malia! Go get dressed. Now!"

Barack: "Michelle, will you please tie this for me? I can't get it straight."

Michelle: "Yes, honey. Come over here where there is more light."

Barack: "OW! What the hell did I just step on? Malia! Why are there Barbie shoes on the floor? Damn, those things hurt!"

Michelle: "Girls... are you ready? We have to leave soon. Get moving!"

Secret Service Agent: "Sir, Madam, it is 7:29. The cars are waiting to take you to the church."

Barack: "Thank you. We're almost ready."

Michelle: "Girls... get in here, please! We have to go!"

Sasha: "Mom, I hate this dress. It itches."

Malia: "Mine, too. I want to wear something else."

Michelle: "Girls, we don't have time for a wardrobe change. Put your shoes on and get your coats."

Malia: "I don't know where my shoes are."

Barack: "Here, try this one. I stepped on it a few seconds ago."

Malia: "Very funny Daddy. That's a Barbie shoe."

Barack: "I am well aware of that. It doesn't belong on the floor."

Michelle: "Malia, dear, go find your shoes now."

Barack: "Put that Nintendo down, Sasha!"

Sasha: "I want to take it in the car with me."

Barack: "No. No Nintendos in the Limo. This is an important day, and I want you to pay attention and learn from the experience."

Sasha: "But Daaaaa-aaad! This is so boring! Can't I sit in the audience with my friends?"

Barack: "No you can't sit with your friends. Today is a special day, and you will sit with your family. And leave your cell phone here. There will be no texting during the inauguration."

Sasha: "Daddy! I can't believe this! You're so unfair!"

Michelle: "Sasha, don't talk to your father that way. Go get your coat."

Barack: "What are you looking at?"

Malia: "You. There is shaving cream on your ear."

Barack: "Oh. Thank you for telling me, sweetie."

Malia: "No problem."

Barack: "Why are you still standing there?"

Malia: "I don't know."

Barack: "Didn't your mother tell you to put your shoes on?"

Malia: "I forgot."

Barack: "Well, go do it!"

Malia: "I don't know where they are."

Secret Service Agent: "Sir, it is 7:36."

Barack: "Shit! We're already late!"

Malia: "I'll just wear my Nike's."

Michelle: "Oh no you won't. Go get the new shoes I bought you last week. They are in your closet."

Malia: "I don't think they are in there."

Michelle: "Well, where are they then?"

Malia: "I don't know."

Michelle: "Then how do you know they aren't in your closet?"

Malia: "I don't know."

Michelle: "Go look! Hurry!"

Malia: "I don't want to go by myself."

Secret Service Agent: "Sir, Madam, it's 7:45."

And this is why the Obama family will never be on time to any event for the next four years. They have children.


Micky said...

I love everything you write about your children, and everything you write about autism is a subject of personal interest to me.
But this post? Was. Amazing. Gyahahahahaha... (ongoing).

Betty and Boo's Mommy said...

Sheer brillance! Love this.

Marissa said...

LOL, love it!