The Power of Touch

Ever since school started, the kids have had to take their meds really early in the morning in order to see an effect by the time they get to school. One of the down sides to that is by the time Ainsley comes home from school she is rapidly descending in to la-la land. She walks around the house re-enacting scenes from Star Wars and cannot be brought back without great effort. Ian stays fairly aware of his surroundings until about 5:00. After that he, too, is glassy eyed and struggling to be part of a family unit that communicates effectively and has a lovely meal together. No, wait... that only happens in Leave it to Beaver. Maybe I should hide the Star Wars DVDs and start forcing them to watch reruns from the 1950s after school so they will know what "normal" was back in BA times (Before Autism). Naaaaaaaa - that might really freak them out.

To the person who is unaware of the more subtle characteristics of ADHD and Asperger's, my kids would seem like the rudest children on the planet if they came to my house at dinner time. They can't sit still at the table. They get up and walk around the house. Sometimes they just stare into space. I could give them verbal instructions, scream, and dance naked on the kitchen table and they still would not acknowledge that there is food in front of them and people talking to them. What I need at that point is to have had a nap about two hours earlier so I am thinking clearly and have the energy to redirect each of them continually without getting so frustrated I have to leave the room. Steve certainly doesn't need to experience this at the end of a 12-hour work day. One of our biggest challenges as a family is getting through dinner.

I have rediscovered something that I have used over and over, especially with Ian. Touch. When they seem to be unreachable, I touch a shoulder. If that doesn't work, I touch a shoulder and hold a hand. If that doesn't work, I place both of my hands gently on two cheeks, stand directly in front of them, and say their name. It works most of the time. The secret is to use a gentle, loving touch - not a rough or anger driven grab.

Tonight it worked wonders. It was difficult for them to quiet their minds enough to go to sleep, so we played tag-team snuggle buddy to help them relax. That means I went between each of their rooms about half a dozen times and cuddled with them. There are times when I feel put out having to do this. So many chores await me downstairs - those will be put off until tomorrow . . . again. Countless times I have wished for the night when they are able to go to sleep on their own. I know it will happen some day, but for now I will savor the preciousness of being the calming force in their lives.