Reaching for a Hand to Hold

I had just walked in the door when the phone started to ring. Quickly unloading the dry cleaning and placing the pharmacy bag on the bathroom counter, I looked at the caller ID to see if this was a sales call or someone worth talking to. The name was familiar to me, although we had never been formally introduced; so I answered.

"Carla," she said, "this is [lovely female name]. I am [boy's name]'s mother. I've been wanting to call you for some time now. Is this a good time to talk?"

Realizing this was the mother of a boy Ian has had several altercations with this year, I agreed it would be a good idea for us to communicate candidly. We acknowledged that our boys have had a difficult year together, and she said although she did not know the details, that she is aware that Ian has some challenges. Her son, as it turns out, has similar ones. In a conversation that lasted quite some time, we came to understand each other very well. We found ourselves saying, "Yep, I know exactly what you mean" many times.

It took so much courage for her to call me, to reach out in a situation that could have easily gone very badly. But she took the chance that I would understand her situation and her child and want to work together to make things better for the boys. I am so touched by this woman's compassion. Her strength is much greater than she probably realizes. Although we both admitted we are exhausted and heartbroken so much of the time, to be able to connect with someone who experiences what we live each day made me stand a little taller. The burden was not as heavy as it had been when I walked through the door - not counting the forty pounds of dry cleaning that was in my arms.

After I hung up the phone, it occurred to me that I had been angry with her son earlier in the year for creating stress at school for Ian. My solution for Ian at the time was to stay away from the boy until they had cooled off and could be around each other without pushing each other's buttons. I had no idea that Ian's reaction to some of these incidents had caused her son just as much worry. And I felt terrible that I had not even thought to call her to find out if we were missing a piece of the puzzle.

Our very special children are not always able to tell us the whole story, even when we think we have heard all that is necessary to assign blame. Sometimes, blame isn't necessary. Thoughtful consideration of the circumstances, actions and reactions can lead us to a completely different place than we thought we were going. I like where this situation is taking us.