Finding Our Way Through the Quick Sand

I am losing my mind . . . again. Every time I think I have found it, the darn thing gets loose and runs away.

There isn't one particular event associated with my latest sense of exasperation. It's a colorful array of spring time madness that has sprouted pretty much every place I go, and I am the busy bee who must visit each pollen-infested bud.

I don't know where to begin. At the present moment, police and news helicopters are circling the square mile just southwest of my home. They have been whirling around up there for at least a couple of hours because of a teenager who has holed himself up inside the family home, apparently because he's pissed off at his parents. It is believed he is armed.

This situation and events of last month are proof enough to me that there should not and will never be any guns in my home.

Ian has become extremely angry. He doesn't want to follow rules, unless he makes them. He thinks Steve and I are mean and we make up rules just to frustrate him. Countless times he has stated vehemently that he wishes Steve, Ainsley, and I would move to Mars so he and Sugar could do whatever they want to do. The dog is the only one who truly loves and understands him.

It is true that we have instituted some new policies in our home over the last few weeks, and they have been difficult for all of us. In the long run, however, I believe we will all benefit. The one that bugs the kids the most is the "One hour of screen time per day" rule. That means one hour divided among t.v., computer games, and Nintendo. They get to choose how to spend their hour, but once it's over, it's over. Ian thinks this is terribly unfair because it takes him just under an hour to complete a chapter on his Star Wars video game. Then he immediately wants to start another one and doesn't want to quit the game after starting the next one. We have had to pull him away from the computer, kicking and screaming, on so many occasions we took the game away until further notice.

Ian is allowed 30 to 45 minutes to unwind after school. Then he is provided a nutritious snack and must begin his homework by 4:00. The kicker this week has been the warm swimming pool in the back yard. I won't let him swim until the homework is finished each day, and that is very unfair. Requiring him to do homework at all is such a tremendous injustice. He feels like he is in jail. On some days, I do too.

He has become more picky about what he eats, unless it is candy. He was doing really well for a while, willing to try some new things every once in a while. Now he's back to the same thing for breakfast, the same thing for lunch, and the only thing he ever wants for dinner is chicken nuggets. He only gets those once a week.

Ainsley has good days and bad. She is still having difficulty with potty training. I have rinsed so many pairs of poopy undies, the smell is stuck in my nose. Gag! She does fairly well when the methylin is still in her system. That is a fleeting six to seven hours each day, which leaves plenty of time for accidents.

Ainsley's situation can probably be remedied with a little more time and possibly another ml of medicine; but there is no rush. Ian's situation, however, requires intense study and a quick solution. He can be so fragile at times, explosive at others. I don't want the police and news helicopters hovering over my house any time soon. In fact, never would be o.k. with me.

I have decided the best way to gain control of this situation is to do two things. The first, take him off the medication that seems to be providing no benefit. The second, find a new psychiatrist who can manage the medications and provide therapy that is appropriate for a child with his conditions and consistent with they way we are raising him. I have found the person I believe can handle this challenge. My hope is that Ian will trust him to help.

O. K., so I'm not losing my mind after all. The quicksand that has been pulling me down with all of these behavior issues seems a little less sticky than it did last week. There is a rope within reach. I just need to s t r e t c h a l i t t l e f a r t h e r .