I Said What???

I must be a little tired today. My tongue and my brain are not on speaking terms.

A few days ago, in a frenzy of fury brought on by children not listening, I told Ian and Ainsley I was tired of seeing them pick their noses and use their mouths as trash cans. Serious consequences were about to follow.

"Ian, if I see you do it again, you owe me a dollar!" I bellowed. "Ainsley, if you do it again, you lose a half hour of t.v." I can hit 'em where it hurts, baby! And they knew I was serious, too. The good part is, I haven't seen either one of them engaged in "the act" since then.

As this afternoon crept into evening and homework had yet to be started, I quickly unloaded folders, books, and lunch boxes from backpack and school bag. Then Ian ran to the bathroom as I was about to give instructions on where to start his homework. As soon as he was finished, Ainsley went running in, screaming, "I have to go potty! Mommy, you have to help me!" All she really needed was for me to watch her go in and say, "Good job!" Glancing in the laundry room on my way back to the kitchen, I noticed the dog's food bowls were empty.

"I need 2 children to fill the booger holes!" I shouted.

Wait a minute. Did I just say that?

"Mom, you said we weren't supposed to eat boogers any more," Ian said to me indignantly.

"Yes, I know dear. What I meant was, you need to fill the sugar bowl." That still didn't sound right.

"I thought we couldn't have sugar either," Ian retorted.

[loud sigh, rubbing forehead] "I mean, your dog is hungry. Please fill Sugar's bowls." Finally!

Ian just looked at me like I was nuts.