BTS*

*Back to Sanity

Some days I wake up and just know from the minute my foot hits the floor that it's going to be a great day. The first day of school....I have learned to love this event. It is a holiday greater than Christmas because it marks the beginning of the return of my sanity and sense of competence as a parent, my wholeness as a human being.

Ian was tough to awaken, and as in all previous years, I had to help him dress and get going. Once his traditional school-day breakfast (waffles, turkey bacon, and chocolate milk) was placed before him, he did something completely unheard of. . .he ate all of it without prompting. When Steve finally came in to join him, as is customary to keep things moving along steadily, Ian had finished and placed his dishes in the sink, also without needing to be reminded or helped.

Steve and I were both amazed, almost to the point that we wondered if someone had replaced our son with another during the night. We were proud, yes, but each of us had other feelings about it too. I was relieved that there was no battle, and Ian could go to school having seen his parents beaming with pride at how grown up he was getting. There was a little pang of sadness, too, at leaving behind the very little boy who needed so much help in previous years. The child in my kitchen this morning has become so much more than I imagined would be possible when we first learned of his autism at age four, and even as recently as the bi-polar diagnosis this summer. Steve felt a little sad, too, that his breakfast buddy had finished so quickly. This is the first time he has been in town on the first day of school, and he wanted to enjoy the excitement of the morning. Jury duty awaited, so he finished getting ready, without having to walk Ian through hair combing, teeth brushing, and shoe tying.

At school he was a little nervous, but tried to hide it. A good friend who has been in class with him through kindergarten and first grade arrived at school at the same time as we did and accompanied us to the second grade wing. Ian was thrilled to find the two of them seated next to each other in the same class. I can say many positive things about our teachers. One that immediately came to mind this morning is their ability to recognize the need for familiarity on the first day.

Although his special ed teacher is new to our school this year, she is a seasoned teacher who understands autism. Because we met last week, she was already aware of the things that set Ian off, and she was prepared. I left the room holding Ainsley's hand, feeling confident that Ian was going to have a great day.

Once back in the crowded hallway, Ainsley wanted to visit the kindergarten wing. I wanted to let her, but I also knew that if we headed in that direction she would not want to leave. Like most kids her age, she wants desperately to go to school with her big brother. She was so sweet. It really made my heart swell to know she is eager to start her school career.

At home I rushed through the house for the next hour, making coffee, cutting fruit, setting out muffins. I had invited thirty or so moms over to celebrate the beginning of the school year, and almost all of them were coming. By 9:30 the house was filled with ladies chattering about what teachers their kids have, whose youngest started kindergarten, and how relieved we all were that summer break had ended. There was no guilt in anyone's voice for feeling that way either. We all had put in a full three months with our kids - the first month of which it rained the entire time - and we earned this time of normality.

One woman brought her autistic son, who will be starting eighth grade in a few days. He was so adorable. Every time the doorbell rang, he would run to answer it. Although his eye contact was non-existent, he would shake everyone's hand and introduce himself. A few ladies were a bit thrown by him, but it was nice to see how they relaxed once they understood that he was only being friendly. Eventually, he went upstairs with Ainsley and the other 4 year-olds, and discovered Ian's Thomas the Tank Engine set. I laughed when he brought Diesel downstairs to play with. It's a universal truth - Thomas and Friends are a hit with autistic kids of all ages. Gotta love that wooden railway.



Coffee and muffins rolled into lunch time for a few of us. We started in with Belinis around noon, and by 1:30 those of us who were still celebrating decided naps were necessary before we had to go pick up our children. It was a wonderful first day! I think Ian did pretty well, too.