Irony Comes in Small Packages

Asperger's is alive and well in my little boy. It seems the social graces I have tried to instill in him are being repelled like rain drops on an oil slick. On Thursday, he punched a 4 year-old in the face because she got in his way while he was trying to play the piano. Last night while we were at the swimming pool, a failed attempt to take a tennis ball from another girl resulted in him grabbing her by the neck and trying to push her under the water (at least, that's the version I heard). His apologies to both children were met with skepticism, which is completely understandable.

It seems Ian is under the impression that all things belong to him if he currently wants to use them. He also assumes it is o.k. to take whatever he wants without asking permission first and is terribly offended if the possessor is not willing to relinquish said item. We have gone over fair play tactics and how to win friends without beating them unconscious, but it's just not sinking in. It's one of the autism mysteries.

This afternoon, Steve and Ainsley were putting together a Strawberry Shortcake puzzle (not the dessert kind, the little red-headed girl kind). As they were about to put the last few pieces in, Ian decided he needed to participate. Like a stampeding herd of buffalo, Ian stomped over to them, grabbed the pieces from Ainsley, and attempted to put them together. Steve and I both tried to explain to him why this tactic was not going to work. It was rude. Ian insisted it was the rest of us who were rude. I even offered to do the puzzle with him after Steve and Ainsley were finished, but that was unacceptable.

I decided there was only one way out of this mess, and I sat behind Ian on the floor, trapped his arms and legs, and took the puzzle pieces away from him. During our wrestling match, I noticed the puzzle piece charm dangling from a bracelet I recently purchased. It is the symbol for autism. As I freed one piece from Ian's grasp, I tossed it at Steve and said, "Kinda ironic, don't you think?" He chuckled and smiled.

After biting me and attempting to punch me for a few minutes, Ian finally calmed down enough to rest his head in my lap. I stroked his hair while he talked about how rude and unfair the rest of the world is. Then I explained:

Ian, I know you wish the rest of the world thought the way you do. It's hard to understand why Mom, Dad, and Ainsley don't agree with you all the time. When it comes to playing fair and getting along with others, most people think you should be polite, you should share, and you should take turns. That is hard for you to do; but that's the way the world works, babe. You get to practice with your family. If you make mistakes with us, we'll still love you. But other people won't give you very many chances. Eventually, they just won't want to be friends with you if you force your way into a situation and then argue with everyone.

He was silent. Most likely, he was trying to figure out if having friends was worth the effort it would take for him to learn all this stuff. Honestly, as much as he's been pushing everyone's buttons lately, I think he is toying with the notion that the rest of the world can kiss his back side. I know he feels very alone a great deal of the time; what I don't know is if he thinks being alone is a bad thing.