Autism Roulette

Well, it has happened again. Ian received a new diagnosis today. This time the winning co-morbidity is - bipolar disorder.

Some of those violent mood swings he has been having were probably related to his blood glucose level at the time; but the ones we cannot explain by bad food choices (hmmmmmmmm, such as cotton candy perhaps?) or his refusal to eat certainly fit the definition of manic-depression. I have known for several months that something new was developing because his behavior became erratic and explosive. It was scary at times. I am just glad we know what it is and that there is treatment available for it.

I stated early in my blog that children on the autism spectrum are likely to receive additional diagnoses each year. It's just the nature of the beast. Ian certainly has lived up to that standard. Also par for the course has been my own anger with the situation. It takes a few days of being really pissed off at the absurdity of a seven year-old having to deal with so much crap. It doesn't help to get angry when new information is placed before me, but that seems to be my initial response to grief. Next week I will see the label as a gift. It is not just a new element to the game, it is another opportunity to help him. Now we have more chips on the table and a better chance at winning a hand in this game.

It seems that the appearance of these new dimensions is random. Our process for naming them remains the same. A behavior develops. We deal with the issue on our own for a while. If our ideas don't work, we bring the problem area to the attention of the psychologist, who gives us strategies for helping Ian deal with the torrential emotional aspects of the problem. After that, if the difficulties persist, we present the challenge to the psychiatrist, who alters a medication dose, changes one, or adds a new one to the mix.

Still, I feel a sense of loss each time we learn of a new challenge Ian has to face. It's like having another part of him taken away. At least the shock is less now than it was in the beginning; but it is impossible to ignore the pain altogether. I look at his sweet face and wonder how much can he endure?

It is easy to see Ian is a happier child this week over last. He is more relaxed, less argumentative, more playful, more focused. Yesterday, Ainsley went off on a scream-fest about something, and Ian very calmly and quietly told her to calm down, take a deep breath, and relax. In recent weeks he would have screamed back at her, scratched at her like a cat, and had a huge meltdown. I was so proud of his reaction.

If it is true that we are each given the challenges in life that only we can handle, then Ian is Mt. Everest. He is so brave, so intelligent, so loving. He is a work of art, a tower of strength. Today I think he was put on this earth to hold me up, not the other way around.