Sometimes I Just Don't Know

The last couple of weeks have been very strange. Ian is bothered by something, but we can't figure out what it is. He walks around with his angry-ferocious-monster face on a great deal of the time. It is similar to the constipated-and-trying-desperately-not-to-be-constipated-look, only he walks around with his hands perched like claws ready to grab his prey. He is not endearing himself to any of his classmates.

He angers easily and then begins threatening to to terribly violent things, mostly to Steve and me. We talk to him about his threats and try to get him to understand why we are not mean or evil. He refuses to accept our explanation of whatever the disagreement is over. Then he marches off someplace to hide, eventually crying and seeming remorseful.

We have tried to find the reasons behind all this, but nothing seems to explain it perfectly. It could be multiple reasons. Some of the ones we have come up with are:

1. It's the end of the school year and the regular schedule at school has been randomly shuffled to accommodate testing, parent-teacher conferences, and special assemblies and activities.

2. Maybe he is constipated.

3. The weather has been stormy at night for the last 2 weeks. He may not sleeping well through all the noise.

4. It has been his first challenging year of school with homework almost every night. He could be tired and ready for a break. I know I am!

5. We do know he heard a story at school that scared him because he took it very literally. It was about a green monster who lives in your brain. When he talks to you, he eats away at your self esteem. The more you listen to him, the bigger he gets. I can see how that could freak out a kid who doesn't comprehend symbolism.

6. The other day he seemed very sad. He admitted that he was contemplating the future. He wondered what life will be like when he is 88 and Steve and I are dead. Part of his melancholy may be that he is beginning to understand the finality of death.

7. He has become extremely obsessed with religion, especially when he is in his bizarre angry mood. The other day he told me that God was going to kill me because I am mean to my children. He was ticked off because I scolded him for hitting Ainsley in the head with an empty plastic water bottle because he didn't want to listen to her talk any more. I wanted to grab him by the front of the shirt and yell, "WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU ARE DOING?!" Instead, I put on my concerned parent face and calmly asked the politically correct question, "Do you think that was a good choice?" And see what it got me? God is still going to strike me dead because Ian said he was going to pray for it to happen.

Keep in mind we are a religion-neutral family. What this means is, we explain to the kids about religious ideas in terms they can understand. We talk about different beliefs, including that many people do not believe in a divinity. Our goal has always been to let the kids decide for themselves what to believe. I feel that spirituality is something so personal, it cannot be dictated. You have to discover it for yourself after years of asking questions and seeking the truth as it fits into your own belief system.

So where has he come up with such ideas about a brutal God that would even consider harming his wonderful mother?

I feel like I am raising a 16 year-old in a 7 year-old's body.


Or maybe not.