Getting Ian to eat dinner has been a challenge for the last 4 years. He completely zones out on us, as if he is too tired even to put a few bites of food into his mouth. We often put the food on the fork for him and assist him in getting it to his mouth. Rarely will he participate in family conversation. This has always been difficult for me to accept, because when I was a child, the best part of my day was spent at the dinner table with my family. We would each tell about our day, work through challenges together, laugh, and bond. Dinner time for this crew is rarely a time for bonding. It is a source of stress, frustration, and arguing (from the kids, not the adults).
The psychologist who evaluated Ian yesterday explained why this is such a difficult time - from Ian's perspective.
At dinner time, Ian IS tired. But his lack of focus is really more of a pulling-back from too much stimuli than from being exhausted. There is a lot going on at that small table. Mom and Dad are talking to each other and to the kids, Ainsley is talking to everyone, including herself. There are serving dishes of food on the table. Ian's plate has at least 3 food choices on it. He has to decide which utensil to use, which food item to taste, and which piece of it to try. His mind is racing to decide where to start, and he just can't slow it down enough to make that happen.
BIG A-HA!!!!
Now it makes sense! When he zones out, it is NOT a seizure, he is NOT ignoring us to be rude, he is NOT in a daze, he is NOT incapable of snapping out of it! He just needs help being pulled into a focal point. An answer - this is fabulous! I walked away from that meeting believing that anything was possible.
We implemented on of the team's suggestions at dinner. The food was served. I went around the table and asked each person what item they thought would be their favorite. Ainsley said, "pasta". Steve said, "chicken". I said, "chicken". Ian said, "all of it".
Then we started playing food games. I started with, "I am going to eat a twirly piece of pasta. Ainsley, what are you going to eat?", and continued around the table to Ian. It took him a while to get the glassy look out of his eyes, but he did it. Next we tried different ways to eat edamame beans. Then we held our forks in the air, speared with a piece of food, and did an "air cheers". Our kids are big on saying "cheers" and clinking glasses. "Air cheers" is when you just hold up your glass but don't clink, usually because you are too far away from the person to get the job done or your glass is so full it would spill if it made contact. This was our first ever air cheers with food. Pieces of our meal went everywhere.
Ian saved his chicken for last. He was slowing down. I really wanted to see if he could finish his dinner, so I tried something different. Ian speared a piece of chicken and then had to tell me how many pieces of pasta it would take to make a bite the same size. He and I continued that until he had almost finished everything.
Then we went around the table again to say what our favorite food of the night was. Honestly, I don't remember what everyone else said. I was so touched by Ian's response: "I loved everything, Mom!"
Boo-yah! High five! Yeah! Ka-chow! HOME RUN, BABY!!!
For the first time in I-don't-know-when, we had a fun family dinner, and Ian ate until he was truly full without being force fed. It was a beautiful thing.
And I have my school district's autism team to thank for it. Amazing.
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