The Holidays are Here. . .Already?

As I drove down my street tonight, greeting me the entire way were row upon row of Christmas lights. Practically every house was decked with bright colors or all white, holly wreaths, sparkly snowflakes dangling from tree branches, eaves dripping with electric icicles, shrubs sprinkled in elf magic, and walkway borders twinkling. Yes, FATHER CHRISTMAS and GENERAL ELECTRIC have PUKED ON MY STREET! Now I must add one more item to my list of things to be thankful for: THEY MISSED MY HOUSE!

Don't get me wrong. I love the holidays. I even enjoy decorating for the holidays. And I really get a kick out of driving around town looking at other people's Christmas lights on Christmas Eve. BUT IT'S NOVEMBER PEOPLE!!! It's a holi-DAY, not a holi-MONTH!

In case you are unfamiliar with Aspie life and the holidays, let me enlighten you. Patience is not a virtue generously bestowed upon my son or any of his like-minded cohorts on the autism spectrum. He has improved somewhat in this area, but not much. When he wants something, he must have it 10 minutes ago. Until he gets what he desires, he will ask me repeatedly and ad nauseam to get it for him. It is for this reason I rarely tell him about exciting things that are going to happen very far in advance. The more desirable it is, the less notice he is given. I learned this lesson the hard way.

Last year was our first Christmas in our new home. I wanted it to be a blast for the kids. We bought an enormous tree that reached almost to the top of the stairs on the second floor. It has 1,200 white lights on it and is a glorious sight. We put the tree up the weekend of Thanksgiving to make the most of the wonderful season.

As soon as the last ornament was hung on the tree and the lights came on, Ian started asking, "Is it Christmas yet?" He asked it 12 times that night. Then again 72 times the next day, only 43 the following day. . .you get the idea. He continued in this manner until Christmas Eve. By then I had given myself brain damage from all the head banging I was doing on the wall. On the plus side, I invented a new kind of faux finish.

We're not doing that again this year. Two weeks of it is all I am willing to tolerate. Ian is going to get his very own countdown-to-Christmas calendar this Friday so he won't have to ask the question every day. The anticipation is just too stressful, especially for Aspie's, who really aren't fond of the unpredictability of the holiday season.

And to all of you who have elected to start your holiday 30 days early, be forewarned. Santa's elves have been known to sneak out at night and place unsuspecting Christmas yard art in sexually explicit positions. Just thought I'd let you know.