Reality has slapped me in the face. This morning, as I observed my previously brilliant child sitting in the kitchen with breakfast before him, I realized that without medication he can barely function. I had to feed him. He was incapable of focusing on his bread long enough to pick it up and put it in his mouth. He stared off into space and occasionally made strange noises. Futile attempts to obtain yes-or-no answers to questions made my heart sink. In his lap, his clenched fists refused to work for him.
It has been so long since I have seen him this way. I thought he had moved beyond it. What actually happened was that wondrous drug that helped him concentrate also repressed these other symptoms. As I predicted, Ainsley is picking up on these odd, wordless noises and gestures and trying them on us to see our reaction. I have to keep telling myself to be kind, she is only 3 - explain it to her. Help her understand the way Ian is acting is not his fault, but I expect her to be a good example. She doesn't seem to be getting the message though.
Today is one of those days when it is really hard to be a mom.
2 comments:
I hope it gets better soon. I'm so sorry.
Oh Carla, I wish I could offer more than a mere long distance " hang in there." I know you have a plan in mind for Ian and this is all part of the process to help him. Does Ian respond to deep pressure for proprioceptive input or swinging as a way to regulate?
I hope this struggle ends soon for both you and Ian because I know how much it hurts to watch your child suffering. Hugs to you both-
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