Back to Basics

There comes a time in every challenge when you have to stop and ask yourself if you're heading in the right direction. Over the last few weeks, I have been examining the treatments and approaches we use with Ian, trying to determine which ones seem to be helping and which ones we should abandon. As a mother, I want my son to be healthy and happy, but right now he looks to be neither.

He is so thin. At age 6.5 years he can still wear a size 4 or 5 pants in the waist (certainly not in length). His appetite has been extremely poor most of the summer, with occasional episodes of rampant devouring of an evening meal and everything else within reach. Generally, he is unmotivated to eat.

Anxiety crept in and now overshadows many of the activities he used to enjoy. Ian finds it difficult to play alone with his toys, calling for us to come sit with him while he scans mounds of Legos for a particular piece. He rarely wants us to play with him, only to be with him. When I offer to call a friend for a play date, he declines.

At night, he calls us to his room 5 or 6 times because he is scared of monsters. Last night my dad exorcized them after both Steve and I failed to make him believe there weren't any there to begin with. Ian fell asleep shortly after that, so perhaps dad's seminary training has far reaching benefits he never expected. We'll see if Ian remembers tonight.

Ian's inability to pay attention, obsessive-compulsive behavior, violent outbursts, and rigid thinking seem to have worsened. All of these were supposed to be helped by the supplements he has been taking over the last 7 months. I am now almost certain that most of them have been a waste of time and money.

A few months ago I asked a trusted friend who I should believe when two physicians make conflicting recommendations. My friend advised me to follow the one who does not stand to gain financially by the diagnosis or recommended treatment. The more I think about it, the more it makes sense and the more I realize that I was blinded by a false sense of hope. Ian has been pumped full of pills in such an unscientific manner it's no wonder we don't know if anything is helping or hurting him.

So, I have made a decision. Today I am taking Ian off everything except Concerta (for ADHD), fish oil (for omega-3s), and magnesium citrate (for constipation). We will keep these three because I know they help him and/or are good for him. The remaining supplements (Pro-Bio Gold, 5-HTP, melatonin, taurine, and GABA) - 8 pills a day - will be put away until Steve and I can determine if there has been a change in his well-being. Ian has agreed that in place of his pills he gets to have a tablespoon of organic peanut butter with every meal. If that doesn't help him put on some weight, we'll try something else.

In addition to my wise friend's helpful suggestion, I consulted a number of websites. The most compelling one was www.autism-watch.org. My mind looks for scientific answers to my questions. When answers are not available, common sense is my guide. This website confirmed what my gut was already telling me - and my gut has never been wrong.

Maybe this means I have given up hope for a cure for Ian. I don't want to change his personality or the innate person that lies within. My hope is that he will one day be free of the fear and anxiety that torment him now so that he can be successful in and passionate about his interests and feel joy in his soul. These are skills to be acquired through education and life's experiences, not consumed in a pill.

Sure, we'll probably consider anti-depressants for him at some point because his journey is going to be extremely difficult. The whole family may well be on them before long. I truly believe, however, that if we use common sense, we'll all get through it stronger than if let everyone who promises a "cure" convince us to take a frivolous (and expensive) detour. We can do this.

And on Wednesday, I get to explain to the specialist why I am firing him.