I Got One Nerve Left, And You're On It!

Some days I have all the patience in the world to help my children resolve their arguments, fix their broken toys (or computers), and face the injustices of the world. Yesterday was not one of those days.

In fact, I was so on edge the slightest whine from either of them turned me into Tyrant Mommy. We are undergoing some unplanned construction/repairs in our master suite because of a plumbing mishap that occurred two months ago. The mess is driving me crazy, and the uncertainty of when contractors will show up puts major obstacles in our normally smooth-running schedule. Top that off with Ian's recent noon-time disconnection from reality and you have chaos, at least in my mind.

The keyboard for the kids' computer wouldn't work, and Ian was really ticked off about it. Never mind that he throws it when he gets angry. Never mind that he and Ainsley play tug-o-war with it when they can't agree on whose turn it is to use it. Never mind the thousands of hours he has logged playing video games with it. To make it worse, I was working on my computer, and he felt I was extremely unreasonable not to let him use it.

But MOM, I NEED to use the computer. I HAVE to play Exoforce. You have to get OFF your computer so I can play, he ordered.

The stress in his voice when he gets this way hurts my chest. He was on the brink of an explosion, and I was not sure if I could turn it around. Regardless, I felt compelled to make him understand that my computer is not his toy.

No, that's not how it works. When your computer gets fixed, you can play on it again. You'll just have to wait, I countered.

We must have gone thirty rounds of this. He just refused to accept that computer time was not an option and he would have to play with one of his toys, or read a book, or play a game. The arguing escalated, and so did the volume. Finally, when he knew he was about to be threatened with a "time out", he said:

Mom, you're going to get a time out. I am sending you to NEW YORK!!!

New York, huh? O.K., that sounds really cool. I'll do it.

I said calmly, touching my chin as I contemplated how much more peaceful it would be there than it is here.

No! You can't have fun. You have to work! And you can't come back from time out until I say so!

That works for me. I said. You stay here and run the place while I go to New York for a vacation from cooking, doing laundry, going to the pool with you guys, driving you fun places, and snuggling with you when you're scared. Call my cell phone when you're ready for me to come back. I think I'll go pack.

I went upstairs for a few minutes to assist Ainsley with her poopy undies. When I returned to the living room, Ian was hanging upside down from the couch with his head next to the dog's butt (what is it with this kid and Sugar's back side???)

I sat next to his skinny legs, then dropped my head to the floor next to his. Slowly and carefully, I took his hand in mine and placed it on Sugar's back leg. Ian gently stroked her fur. Then he took a deep breath and said,

Mom, I've been talking to Sugar.

Oh, what about? I inquired.

About New York. I've decided you shouldn't go.

There we were, hanging upside down, with tears rolling up our foreheads. He hugged me and asked me to stay with him. Then Sugar put in her two-cents and licked our faces.

Inside, I chuckled and asked myself: How could any mother in her right mind want anything more than this?