I have lost a friend today. What she did was so hurtful, because she harshly judged my son for something neither of us knew was a problem. Ian does not realize what has happened, thank goodness. The pain of that is something I will feel for him, because I don't ever want him to know that someone we once trusted and considered to be part of our family has forgotten how important friendship is.
We spent very little time with these close friends this summer. Our schedules never seemed to click in order to have play dates - rather, whenever I would call to invite them over some excuse always seemed ready. They never issued any invitations in return. So, I've been expecting there to be changes this year, but not the way they happened this week.
Ever since our swimming pool went in the parents have claimed they don't want their kids at our house without one of them present to supervise. HE never volunteers to supervise, leaving her to do it. I made it clear to them that their childrens' safety has always been my priority and still is. We have numerous safeguards in place to prevent kids from wandering into the pool area alone. I never allow the kids to have a play date when I cannot give them 100 percent of my attention. Apparently, they still think I am incapable of monitoring a play date to their satisfaction.
Because of this, the kids are missing out on friendship.
Still, why would she call me and say she is pulling out of our carpool? She claims it is because she likes having her kids to herself and having it quiet in her car after school. IT'S A 5 MINUTE DRIVE! I don't know what goes on in her car during carpool, but in mine the kids tell jokes, laugh and sing songs. I guess she doesn't like the sounds of children enjoying themselves FOR 5 MINUTES!
Last year, whenever it rained on her day to drive carpool, she would make Ian take off his shoes before getting in her van. When they would arrive at my house she would make him get out and then she threw his shoes out the window into the wet grass. This happened several times, and I was astounded at her rudeness each time. She didn't make anyone else take off their shoes. Just Ian. And it's a mini-van, not a freakin' palace!
Eventually, she confessed that she didn't want to have Ian in her carpool, claiming his behavior is more than she can tolerate. When I confronted her about this, I asked why this is the first I have heard about my son's behavior being intolerable in three years of carpooling together. How can she dare look me in the eye and try to blame her tactless decision on my son? He rarely says anything on the way to school and is often silent on the way home. Could it be her own children are astonishingly loud when other children are in the car with them BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT KIDS DO?
Although this is not the first time someone has shied away from my friendship because of the challenges our family faces, it is the first time someone has been so blatant as to accuse my child of causing her children to act inappropriately. Absolutely astonishing. Talk about insecure parenting skills!
What is she teaching her children? That it is fine to teach tolerance and acceptance of people with differences at school and at church, but in her home/minivan it is permissible to be disrespectful to those with special needs? That her wallowing in her own insecurities outweighs the need to be kind?
I may not have all the answers about raising kids, especially those with special needs; but there is one thing about which I am certain ... my autistic children are far better adjusted to life in the real world than her coddled "normal" ones will ever be.
Thursday, August 28, 2008
Sunday, August 24, 2008
The Last Night of Summer Break
School starts tomorrow. If my children will fall asleep before I crash, I'll jump on my bed and do the Happy Dance. I'll even let Steve video it ... maybe. It is 7:53 p.m., and Ainsley has already made her first attempt at convincing us she cannot fall asleep. Ian is tossing and turning. Sugar makes frequent trips upstairs to check on them. I am hiding in the kitchen, hoping no one sees me.
I am not the only mother who is reflecting on the summer and wondering where it went so quickly. What happened to the last five years? The last nine years? It's all speeding by and I feel as if I am moving in slow motion.
We really didn't do much over the last three months. I should have enrolled the kids in more camps and activities ... should have hosted more play dates for them ... should have taken them to see their cousins more ... [sigh]. But I am a junkie for splashing in the pool with my kids, making them gooey peanut butter and honey sandwiches to eat on the patio, and watching them dance in front of the t.v. when Noggin plays a cool video. This summer, I just wanted to enjoy my kids, even if that meant I selfishly kept them with me most of the time.
Now that I think about it though, we all needed a break with limited schedules and few obligations. No, I needed the break. The kids would have been fine either way. In fact, they played together so beautifully the majority of the time, it was fun for me to listen to their laughter as a bystander. They are so creative at times. Yesterday, they started playing Littlest Pet Shop, which blossomed into Little Pets in Space, which later became Darth Vader and the Mutant Pets from Planet Earth. Yes, there was a recurring theme or two; but it was hilarious!
Tomorrow morning I will pack my daughter's first lunch for kindergarten. She is excited and a little apprehensive. She picked out a dress and shoes, selected a spare set of clothes to keep in her locker, and picked a purple towel for rest time. Then together we packed them in her pink and leopard print satchel. It has a matching lunch box with her name on it. She is stylin'.
Ian can't wait to get to school because his teacher promised to tell him a joke first thing. It's only fair - he told her two Star Wars jokes on Friday, so now it's her turn. Ian is also looking forward to sitting next to Tess, one of a handful of girls who rocks his world. I have to admit that it would be cool to see them as prom dates some day. For that to have a chance, however, I will have to keep my mouth shut for the next 8.5 years about anything remotely related to Tess being a really wonderful girl.
It is now 8:20 p.m., and the house is very quiet. I can hear the fish tank bubbling upstairs and the t.v. in our bedroom. Above my head there are deep breaths and sighs. It is the Eve of Everything Back to Normal. I am so ready.
I am not the only mother who is reflecting on the summer and wondering where it went so quickly. What happened to the last five years? The last nine years? It's all speeding by and I feel as if I am moving in slow motion.
We really didn't do much over the last three months. I should have enrolled the kids in more camps and activities ... should have hosted more play dates for them ... should have taken them to see their cousins more ... [sigh]. But I am a junkie for splashing in the pool with my kids, making them gooey peanut butter and honey sandwiches to eat on the patio, and watching them dance in front of the t.v. when Noggin plays a cool video. This summer, I just wanted to enjoy my kids, even if that meant I selfishly kept them with me most of the time.
Now that I think about it though, we all needed a break with limited schedules and few obligations. No, I needed the break. The kids would have been fine either way. In fact, they played together so beautifully the majority of the time, it was fun for me to listen to their laughter as a bystander. They are so creative at times. Yesterday, they started playing Littlest Pet Shop, which blossomed into Little Pets in Space, which later became Darth Vader and the Mutant Pets from Planet Earth. Yes, there was a recurring theme or two; but it was hilarious!
Tomorrow morning I will pack my daughter's first lunch for kindergarten. She is excited and a little apprehensive. She picked out a dress and shoes, selected a spare set of clothes to keep in her locker, and picked a purple towel for rest time. Then together we packed them in her pink and leopard print satchel. It has a matching lunch box with her name on it. She is stylin'.
Ian can't wait to get to school because his teacher promised to tell him a joke first thing. It's only fair - he told her two Star Wars jokes on Friday, so now it's her turn. Ian is also looking forward to sitting next to Tess, one of a handful of girls who rocks his world. I have to admit that it would be cool to see them as prom dates some day. For that to have a chance, however, I will have to keep my mouth shut for the next 8.5 years about anything remotely related to Tess being a really wonderful girl.
It is now 8:20 p.m., and the house is very quiet. I can hear the fish tank bubbling upstairs and the t.v. in our bedroom. Above my head there are deep breaths and sighs. It is the Eve of Everything Back to Normal. I am so ready.
Wednesday, August 20, 2008
Here's How to Help Your Child
This information was forwarded to me by Liz Ditz, whose blog can be found at: http://lizditz.typepad.com .
If you have ever wanted to make a big impact on behalf of your autistic child, this is your chance.
Government Agency Seeking Public Input
Please feel free to forward this to any person you think would be interested.
More information at: http://neurodiversity.com/weblog/article/171/
======
On September 15, 2008, members of the Services Subcommittee will meet to review all public comments submitted to date, and will present these comments at the next meeting of the full Interagency Autism Coordinating Committee, which is scheduled for November 21, 2008. Members of the public are invited to participate in the September 15 Services Subcommittee meeting by conference call; for more information, please consult the public notice posted on the U.S. Government Printing Office website.
=======
Request for Information: Priorities for the Interagency Autism Coordinating Committee Services Subcommittee for Autism Spectrum Disorders
Notice Number: NOT-MH-08-016
Key Dates
Release Date: August 11, 2008
Response Date: September 19, 2008
Issued by: National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH)
Description
The purpose of this Request for Information (RFI) is to seek input from Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) stakeholders including individuals with ASD and their families, autism advocates, State officials, scientists, health professionals, therapists, educators, and the public at large about what they consider to be high-priority issues and concerns surrounding services and supports for children, youth, and adults with ASD.
Background
The Combating Autism Act of 2006 (Public Law 109-416) re-established the Interagency Autism Coordinating Committee (IACC) and, among other duties, requires that the IACC develop a strategic plan for ASD research. The IACC includes both members who are active in the area of ASD research funding, services, or advocacy, including several members who have family members with ASD, and one member with ASD. In March of 2008 the IACC established the Services Subcommittee, to assess and improve services and supports for people with ASD and their families. A previous IACC developed an ASD Services Roadmap, which is available on the IACC Website above. This RFI is a next step to obtain updated information about present and future services and supports to individuals with ASD, and their families across the lifespan.
Information Requested
The IACC is interested in receiving your input and ideas about high-priority questions and issues surrounding services and supports to people with ASD of all ages, and specific research initiatives on ASD services and supports. For example, information is sought in the following areas that impact services and supports across the lifespan: education services, health and medical services (including dental), housing, transitions, employment, community inclusion, safety, older adults, finances, guardianship, and estate planning.
Responses
Please send responses to iaccservices@mail.nih.gov no later than September 19, 2008. Please limit your response to one page and mark with this RFI identifier, NOT-MH-08-016, in the subject line. The responses received through this RFI will be collated, summarized, and provided to the IACC Services Subcommittee and the public. Any proprietary information should be so marked. The collected information will be analyzed and may appear in reports. Although the IACC Services Subcommittee will try to protect against the release of identifying information there is no guarantee of confidentiality.
A summary of the results obtained from the responses to this RFI will be available to the public on the IACC Website.
Inquiries
Inquiries regarding this notice may be directed to:
Azik Schwechter, Ph.D.
Office of Autism Research Coordination
National Institute of Mental Health
6001 Executive Boulevard, Room 8203, MSC 9669
Bethesda, MD 20892-9669
Telephone: (301) 443-7613
FAX: (301) 480-4415
Email: schwechtera@mailnih.gov
If you have ever wanted to make a big impact on behalf of your autistic child, this is your chance.
Government Agency Seeking Public Input
Please feel free to forward this to any person you think would be interested.
More information at: http://neurodiversity.com/weblog/article/171/
======
On September 15, 2008, members of the Services Subcommittee will meet to review all public comments submitted to date, and will present these comments at the next meeting of the full Interagency Autism Coordinating Committee, which is scheduled for November 21, 2008. Members of the public are invited to participate in the September 15 Services Subcommittee meeting by conference call; for more information, please consult the public notice posted on the U.S. Government Printing Office website.
=======
Request for Information: Priorities for the Interagency Autism Coordinating Committee Services Subcommittee for Autism Spectrum Disorders
Notice Number: NOT-MH-08-016
Key Dates
Release Date: August 11, 2008
Response Date: September 19, 2008
Issued by: National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH)
Description
The purpose of this Request for Information (RFI) is to seek input from Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) stakeholders including individuals with ASD and their families, autism advocates, State officials, scientists, health professionals, therapists, educators, and the public at large about what they consider to be high-priority issues and concerns surrounding services and supports for children, youth, and adults with ASD.
Background
The Combating Autism Act of 2006 (Public Law 109-416) re-established the Interagency Autism Coordinating Committee (IACC) and, among other duties, requires that the IACC develop a strategic plan for ASD research. The IACC includes both members who are active in the area of ASD research funding, services, or advocacy, including several members who have family members with ASD, and one member with ASD. In March of 2008 the IACC established the Services Subcommittee, to assess and improve services and supports for people with ASD and their families. A previous IACC developed an ASD Services Roadmap, which is available on the IACC Website above. This RFI is a next step to obtain updated information about present and future services and supports to individuals with ASD, and their families across the lifespan.
Information Requested
The IACC is interested in receiving your input and ideas about high-priority questions and issues surrounding services and supports to people with ASD of all ages, and specific research initiatives on ASD services and supports. For example, information is sought in the following areas that impact services and supports across the lifespan: education services, health and medical services (including dental), housing, transitions, employment, community inclusion, safety, older adults, finances, guardianship, and estate planning.
Responses
Please send responses to iaccservices@mail.nih.gov no later than September 19, 2008. Please limit your response to one page and mark with this RFI identifier, NOT-MH-08-016, in the subject line. The responses received through this RFI will be collated, summarized, and provided to the IACC Services Subcommittee and the public. Any proprietary information should be so marked. The collected information will be analyzed and may appear in reports. Although the IACC Services Subcommittee will try to protect against the release of identifying information there is no guarantee of confidentiality.
A summary of the results obtained from the responses to this RFI will be available to the public on the IACC Website.
Inquiries
Inquiries regarding this notice may be directed to:
Azik Schwechter, Ph.D.
Office of Autism Research Coordination
National Institute of Mental Health
6001 Executive Boulevard, Room 8203, MSC 9669
Bethesda, MD 20892-9669
Telephone: (301) 443-7613
FAX: (301) 480-4415
Email: schwechtera@mailnih.gov
Thursday, August 14, 2008
How Do You Do That?
Ainsley said tonight: "Mommy, I want to be a vegetarian for Halloween."
Does anyone know where to get that costume?
Does anyone know where to get that costume?
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